High Jinx Read online

  Nodding, I grinned and held up my fork. ‘And I like this food. It’s as delicious as it smells.’

  Flavia chuckled. ‘We have baklava for dessert, so save room.’

  I shook my head, wondering if I’d be able to walk out of here or if I’d have to borrow Flavia’s wheelchair.

  Flavia entertained me throughout our meal with tales of her childhood in Greece, and the time flew by. Near the end of the meal, I wiped my mouth with a napkin and decided we were acquainted enough for me to ask her about her unusual jewelry. ‘So, Flavia, can I ask you about your necklace?’

  She reached up and rubbed the eye between knotted fingers. ‘This is mataki – charm to ward off the evil eye.’

  ‘The evil eye?’ I repeated, intrigued.

  ‘Yes. You see, the evil eye, it can harm you even when the person does not intend for this to happen, by complimenting you. The eye protects you.’ She waved her fork. ‘Also, the cactus out by the door is protection.’

  She sure felt like she needed lots of protection. I chewed slowly, trying to work out the logistics of her beliefs. ‘So when I complimented you on the food, I could have accidentally given you this … evil eye.’

  ‘If I no wear this charm to ward it off, yes.’

  ‘Then what would this evil eye do? What would happen?’

  ‘Many things. All bad. You compliment my food and I no wear this charm … I could drop the whole pan on the floor. Ruined, you see?’

  My mouth hung open for a second more than was polite. I snapped it closed and nodded as a sudden sense of foreboding washed over me.

  TWO

  Twenty minutes later, with the divine taste of honey and flaky filo lingering in my mouth, I packed up my mat, clipped on Buddha’s leash and waddled after Flavia through the mansion as we searched for Selene.

  I held my flip-flops in my hand so the sleek, inlaid marble floor felt cool and heavenly on my bare feet. Peeking into some rooms as we passed, I saw a theatre with a massive movie screen and four rows of leather recliners; a billiard room with two full-sized pool tables and a bar; a library with a living room set in the middle and some kind of massage room. I bet fifty people could live here without ever running into each other. A young, dark-haired girl was picking up towels from the floor. We shared a smile as I passed.

  We emerged from the hallway into a grand living area in the center of the mansion. Floor-to-ceiling windows dressed in cream curtains framed the blue sky and water. It was a stunning view.

  Flavia stopped abruptly at the sound of voices. I almost ran into the back of her chair but managed to only tilt awkwardly over the top of her. She grumbled under her breath and flicked the lever on her chair with obvious agitation.

  Rolling past a curved staircase with a huge aquarium stocked with brightly-colored fish encased in the cut-out, we headed toward the front door where the voices were coming from.

  Under an elaborate entrance complete with pillars and a chandelier, Selene was being embraced by a giant with military-cropped blond hair. And by her peals of laughter, whatever he was whispering in her ear was pretty witty.

  ‘Selene!’ Flavia barked. The one word was sharp and cutting. It sent Athena into yipping hysterics. ‘Enough.’ Flavia pulled the little dog tightly into her bosom.

  The giant released Selene, who put her hands on her hips and glared at her mother. ‘I’m right here, you don’t have to yell.’ Chloe, Selene’s own plump Chihuahua – sporting a pink T-shirt with ‘mommy’s little girl’ embroidered on it – came bounding around the corner to see what all the fuss what about, her painted nails trying to grip the marble tile unsuccessfully as she slid into Selene’s leg. During snowbird season, I blamed the out-of-proportion number of Chihuahuas on Paris Hilton making them a popular fashion accessory.

  ‘See what you’ve done, Mom – you’ve scared Chloe.’ Making little cooing noises, she scooped the trembling dog up and held her to her cleavage. I noted Giant’s eyes lingered there, and I’m pretty sure he wasn’t interested in the dog. Even pushing sixty, Selene was a beautiful, well-preserved woman. ‘Oh, hello, Elle. Give me a second to see Sven out and I’ll get you your check.’

  I waved, uncomfortable with the whole scene. Sven’s assessing gaze had swung to me. Two light blue stones in a chiseled face looked me up and down. This man was a walking vat of testosterone. ‘You can just bring it to doga on Monday. It’s no biggie.’ I mentally slapped myself. Sure, I was temporarily staying with Devon in his million-dollar beach bungalow, but I still needed the money.

  ‘I know!’ Her face lit up. ‘Why don’t you come to our Halloween party tomorrow night? I can give it to you then. We have the best Halloween party every year, don’t we, Mom?’ Before her mother could answer, she turned her attention back to the giant. ‘Sven, you should come, too!’ I had a feeling this was her real motivation for mentioning the party. ‘You can come as my personal trainer.’ This sent them both into more fits of laughter. Apparently it was an inside joke. Very inside.

  I squirmed behind Flavia’s chair as another burst of Greek came from the woman.

  ‘Oh, no, Selene, I couldn’t impose.’

  ‘Nonsense.’ Selene waved me off. ‘You must come. I insist. You can bring a date and don’t forget to wear a costume. It’s settled.’ She opened the front door. Like a cornered animal, I saw my opening and took it.

  About halfway to the door, Flavia shrieked behind me. I whirled around, startled. She was clutching her chest. ‘You must leave from the same door, Elle. Come, I take you back to my kitchen.’

  ‘Jesus, Mom,’ Selene cried from the door. ‘You and your superstitions. You almost gave the poor girl a heart attack.’

  ‘You want her to bring bad luck to dis family?’ Flavia growled.

  ‘It’s OK.’ I turned to Selene. ‘I don’t mind. We’ll go out the back way.’

  ‘Fine. See you tomorrow evening,’ she called, her attention already back to Sven.

  I rubbed my temple as I led Buddha back the way we came, suddenly feeling a headache coming on.

  Before I could get out the back door, Flavia clutched my hand. ‘Do you feel dizzy?’

  ‘No, I … I’m fine.’

  Flavia’s dark eyes searched my face. ‘Headache?’

  I blinked. ‘Well, a little. But I’m fine, really.’ Did she think she gave me food poisoning? I didn’t understand what she was really asking. Something was definitely worrying her, though. I could see it in her tight lips and narrowed eyes.

  She nodded. ‘It was that blue-eyed Sven. You see how he admire you?’ She squeezed my hand in both of hers. ‘He curse you with the evil eye. No worry. You go. I do exercising prayer for you.’

  Cursed? Me? I felt my temple pulse as if the pain was confirmation. I didn’t really believe in curses, did I? It’s not something I’d ever thought about until today. Well, it couldn’t hurt to let Flavia do her thing.

  Buddha and I had just made it out of mansion row and back onto Moon Key Drive, the main road that runs around the island, when my Beetle sputtered and died.

  No. No. No. Are you kidding me? I managed to let it drift to the side of the road, where I proceeded to crank the key to no avail. When that didn’t work, I beat the steering wheel and then fell back against the vinyl seat. My headache blossomed with the stress. Flavia’s words echoed between the pain. Cursed with the evil eye. No, not cursed, I argued back. I just have a headache and an ancient car that should probably be in a museum rather than on the road.

  ‘You can just pay me next time you come to doga,’ I whispered, mocking myself. I reached over to soothe myself by stroking Buddha. He repaid me by yacking up a clump of undigested spanakopita between the seats.

  ‘Perfect.’ I groaned and reached for the towel I kept in the back for when it rained and the convertible top leaked. Buddha shifted to lean against the door, his head lowered. He actually looked ashamed. I scratched his ear. ‘It’s OK, big guy. That’ll cover up the mildew smell.’

  I watched a golf cart go
by with four women in oversized sunhats and Jackie O-style sunglasses. Their heads turned my way as they passed but they didn’t stop. I suddenly felt like a zoo animal, something to stare at and be weary of at the same time. Now what? There was no garage and no tow truck on Moon Key. I was probably making history on the ritzy, private island by having the first car ever to break down here. What an honor. We could walk back to the bungalow, I supposed. It was only three miles. It was a nice day – low eighties, low humidity. I watched a sleek white limo cruise by who then beeped at a red Porsche-shaped golf cart that decided to stop in the middle of the road for no reason. Then again, it was the end of October and the snowbirds were here. We might be taking a risk walking on a road where golf carts full of champagne-fueled millionaires were motoring about. Champagne-fueled millionaires with lawyers on retainer who could get them off if they ran us over. But what choice did we have? Devon wouldn’t be back on Moon Key until this evening. I couldn’t sit here in a smelly, broken-down car. The humiliation alone might do me in.

  My chest tightened. I took a few deep breaths, remembering the words of the therapist I’d returned to because of my anxiety, which had been heightened by recent life-threatening events. ‘Your yoga practice has given you many tools for anxiety. Use them.’ This was right before she added, ‘But in extreme circumstances, use this,’ and handed me a prescription for Xanax.

  As I was packing up all my stuff and getting ready to brave the walk, my cell phone buzzed. It was Hope.

  ‘Hey, Elle, what are you doing?’

  I flipped my yoga bag onto my shoulder. ‘Just enduring complete humiliation at the hands of my dead car. How’s New York?’

  ‘Awful. Not so much New York as Ira’s relatives. We decided to come back early. Did you say your car broke down?’

  ‘Yeah, right outside of mansion row. Are you back on the island?’ Could I be that lucky?

  ‘Yep. I’ll be right there.’

  I glanced up at the sky gratefully. ‘Thank you! Oh, hey, do you by any chance have a costume for a Halloween party lying around that you could bring? I have to go to Selene Beckley’s party tomorrow night to get paid for a session I just did with her mother.’

  Hope laughed. ‘That sounds like Selene. I’ll dig something up and be there in a few.’

  ‘We’ll be here.’

  Buddha and I hunkered down inside the Beetle and waited for Hope. Ten minutes later, Hope’s black Jaguar cruised up behind us.

  ‘You’re a lifesaver.’ I hugged her. ‘Or at least an ego-saver.’

  Hope chuckled and helped Buddha into the surprisingly roomy back seat. ‘Probably time to put the old gal out to pasture, Elle.’

  I feigned indignation as I slid into the passenger seat. ‘You don’t put classics out to pasture.’ The feel of her car’s buttery leather seat beneath me did not go unappreciated. ‘Besides, I can’t afford a new car. I’m homeless, remember?’

  ‘You are not.’ She shot me an exasperated look. ‘You’re living in a beach bungalow with a gorgeous Irishman who is begging you to move in permanently.’

  ‘We’ve talked about this, Hope,’ I groaned. ‘Permanently does not mean the same thing to Devon. He’ll only be here until he solves his parents’ murder and then he’ll jet off to do what he loves and be a travel photographer again.’ Whereby history will have repeated itself, with another man of my dreams leaving me in the dust to live a life that didn’t include me … ‘That to me is temporary. So, I have to find my own place. Eventually.’

  Hope shook her head but didn’t say anything more on the subject.

  I rolled my head in her direction. ‘So, what happened at the wedding?’

  This got her going. She entertained me for the rest of the short trip with the groan-worthy highlights of her week that made me glad I didn’t have an extended family, including a story about one of Ira’s uncles falling into the champagne fountain at the reception.

  By the time we pulled into Devon’s driveway, we were both giggling hysterically.

  I glanced at my best friend in one of those moments where gratitude actually choked me up. I don’t know what I’d do without her. ‘Oh, Hope, thanks … I needed that.’

  ‘Me, too. Oh, I have your costume in the trunk.’ She put the car in park and popped the trunk.

  While I let Buddha out of the back seat, she retrieved a bag and handed it to me. With a last hug, she grinned and said, ‘I think Devon will approve.’

  THREE

  ‘I am not leaving the house in this.’ I stared at myself in the bedroom mirror in horror while Devon grinned at me from his reclining position on the bed, stroking Petey, his large brown, happy-go-lucky mutt.

  ‘We don’t have to go out.’

  I ignored his sultry innuendo. ‘Seriously, I don’t think she bought this at a Halloween store but at one of those shady little sex shops on the side of the road. You know the ones with the papered-over windows and neon signs?’ I covered my blushing face as I once again let my gaze fall to the push-up-style top that forced my small assets into cleavage. I whirled around as another burst of laughter came from the bed. ‘Maids do not dress like this. Look at these frills on my butt. That is just not practical. And it’s not funny!’ I threw the pink feather duster at him.

  ‘No, you’re right.’ Ducking, Devon swallowed his laughter and with one last pat to Petey, pushed himself off the bed. He stood in front of me and tried to be sympathetic, but the gleam in his eyes gave him away. He was amused. ‘They don’t. But it’ll be fine. It’s a costume party. Everyone there will be wearing something over the top. Most likely trying for sexy and look, you don’t even have to try.’ He pulled me against him and kissed my pouty lips. In such a skimpy outfit, I could feel the heat radiating from his body and began to soften like putty. ‘Think about it … are the women of Moon Key going to be dressed as clowns?’

  I sighed. Reaching back with one hand I tugged at the scrap of black material posing as a skirt. ‘No. But they’re not going to be dressed up in something from a sex toy shop, either.’

  He let himself grin. ‘You’d be surprised.’

  Turned out I didn’t have to worry. The first woman I spotted as we pulled up to the Beckley mansion was exiting a limo in nothing but a conch shell bra and G-string ‘concealed’ by strands of seaweed, fishnets and gold body glitter. Her date slid out behind her.

  ‘Is that man just wearing a G-string and … paint?’ I whispered, half-amused, half-horrified.

  ‘Yes.’ Devon handed his keys over to the valet. ‘And I told you so.’ He came around to my side of the Jeep and helped me out, helping himself to a kiss while he was at it.

  A shiver ran through me. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this man’s touch. I let my gaze wander over his little black bow tie, black vest and white gloves. My sexy Irish PI was supposed to be a butler to go with my maid outfit, but his unruly dark waves and that mischievous glint in his eyes kind of killed the effect that he’d be willing to serve anyone. ‘I think you actually might be overdressed.’

  He nodded, taking my hand as a couple of gray-haired ladies walked by in nude body suits and Playboy bunny ears. ‘Come on. I need a drink.’

  Inside was a virtual carnival of costumes. We waded into the grand room where a few Vegas-style hostesses balanced trays of champagne and hors d’oeuvres around, offering them to such creatures as an X-rated Snow White, a woman with her partner on a dog leash and a stooped, shrunken Batman. I tried to look away, but it was too late. I would never look at Batman the same way again. Devon plucked two glasses from one of their trays and downed his with one toss. I would’ve loved to follow suit but the bubbles tickled my nose and forced me to sip.

  Scanning the room full of costumed strangers with mounting anxiety, I finally spotted Beth Anne and Violet, two of my regular doga clients at the Pampered Pup Spa & Resort. Thank heavens. I grabbed Devon’s hand. ‘This way.’

  ‘Elle!’ Beth Anne squealed, hugging me and then readjusting her cat-eye glasses and the
short, gray wig hiding her long hair. ‘Wow, you look amazing.’

  I blushed. ‘And you look …’ I eyed her old-fashioned gray dress and pearls, at a loss for words.

  ‘Like Agatha Christie?’ she offered helpfully.

  ‘Yes!’ Of course. I should have known. Beth Anne’s dream was to be a mystery writer, though I had my doubts about whether she actually liked the writing part. ‘Just like her.’ I turned to Violet, who was sporting a very sexy devil costume and had her arm wrapped around a man half her age with matching devil horns. Her green eyes sparkled with mischief or champagne … or both.

  She clinked my glass and introduced us to Jarvis, the twenty years her junior, model material man of the week. Each of the ladies I’d gotten to know on Moon Key had taught me something. From Violet I’d learned that money did in fact give a woman a huge advantage when it came to dating. Though I wasn’t sure what Violet did would qualify as dating. More like sampling. I bet she was the type of person to take one bite out of each chocolate in a box.

  Focus, Elle. ‘Nice to meet you, Jarvis. This is just … crazy,’ I said, wide-eyed as a flirty Minnie Mouse bumped my elbow.

  Violet adjusted her horns. ‘Yeah, it’s getting crowded. Let’s move outside.’

  We all tagged behind Violet, pushing our way through the noisy clusters of partygoers, finally passing the movie room, massage room, library and then Flavia’s kitchen to emerge out into the backyard where more costumed guests lounged around the stone and tiled seating areas and pool deck. I fanned my face. The cool air was refreshing and succeeded in tamping down the anxiety created by the crowd. I glanced around. Silver and black candles floated on the pool surface, their tiny flames flickering in the breeze. It was a simple but stunning effect with the endless moonlit Gulf waters spread out beyond the yard. There was also entertainment out here in the form of a band, belly dancers and fire-eating men on stilts.